If you have a friend or loved one with diabetes, you become part of their support network and play a vital role that others cannot. In my diabetes clinic in Michigan, I often hear from people with diabetes that those around them are eager to help and offer words of encouragement. However, there is something even more useful that supporters can do, and that is active listening. While every member of the health care team has his or her part to play in keeping people with diabetes healthy, sometimes the simple act of listening gets lost in the shuffle.
Listening sends a message
By listening to your friend or relative with diabetes, you send them a strong and undeniable message. Showing that you are listening to and processing their thoughts indicates that you care about their situation. It also shows concern and respect for your friend or loved one. One of the ways people with diabetes know that others care about them is by how interested and concerned they are about what they are going through. When you really listen to another person without expressing your opinions or offering advice, you are in effect saying, “I care about you. What is important to you is important to me.” An effective way for you to use the “listening tool” is to just listen and be accepting of whatever is being said.
Listening non-judgmentally to a friend or loved one with diabetes allows them to listen to themselves. This creates an opportunity for them to have insights about themselves and their relationships that they may not have noticed before. Insights often help solve problems and reveal new possibilities. For example, a woman with diabetes who visits our clinic was describing her difficulty with her new regimen of four insulin shots per day. The nurse she was talking to simply listened to her. After this woman listened to herself describe her own situation, she realized that she was angry with her physician for changing her regimen from one shot a day to four. Once it became clear that her trouble with these changes stemmed from her anger and was not really about her shots, she was able to resolve the issue by discussing her feelings with her physician.
Often, when two people are having a conversation, each is busy planning what he or she will say next, and not really listening to what the other is saying. At the same time, we often respond to others by offering advice or opinions, leading the speaker to focus on a response and not on feelings and thoughts.
Being a good listener The good news is, anyone can be a good listener. It just takes the discipline of being able to listen without offering opinions or advice. You can give the gift of just listening to a friend or loved one by asking questions like “What is the hardest part of living with diabetes?” or “What do you wish other people would understand about what it’s like to have diabetes?”
Once the person begins to answer, make sure you do not launch into advice, opinions or judgments. Just listen and ask questions that invite the person to tell more of their story. When you are truly listening to another person, such questions will arise naturally from your curiosity and concern. The specific questions you ask are not nearly as important as your willingness to be there for that person. If you offer the gift of listening to someone you care about, you may be amazed at the results.
